Friday, August 18, 2006

*MOJO* - BOS vs NYY Five Day 1



The Yankees come to town for a huge 5 game series at the Fens this weekend. With how these teams have been playing, this is a virtual ALDS for the American League East... except it's only August.

The first game of today's double header features a matchup of phallic proportions, as Johnson faces Wang. The two will try and pound the zone, and hope their balls don't get batted around or stroked too deep. The one who can keep the ball down and in will most likely come out on top. Despite their differences, there is one thing the two will certainly agree on: they are happy that there are no childish individuals who would make crude innuendos for their game today.

As for why the five fingers for today: Jason Johnson has yet to find any success in a Boston uniform, despite his talent. He isn't this bad. He just needs to remember how to pitch effectively, which is stored deep in his muscle memory. And if that doesn't work, he can still win the crowd over at least by delivering a message to the Yankees.

What did the five fingers say to the face?



A-ha ha ha. It's a celebration, bitches.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

*MOJO* - BOS @ KC - Tough Love Day 1

What a sorry bunch of losers you guys are. Things better start shaping up, or else you aren't going to like the consequences. For the pitchers, no one is safe. Tonight better turn around this string of poor performances from you guys, or else you better get used to seeing this:



And, as for you hitters? Don't think you guys are safe either. The whole lot of you could be producing better. Yes you too, David.



Maybe you should learn to rock a little harder, perhaps like someone who really knows how to win.



I think his two MVP awards show he's the player you should be emulating. Awards displayed in a case gilded with gold and encrusted with rare jewels, I might add.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

*MOJO* - BOS @ KC - GI Joe Day 1



Ruthlessly efficient. Master of stealth and deception, as well as multiple areas of combat. The last man you want to see melting out of the shadows. Snake Eyes is the ultimate commando, capable of taking on the most dangerous of missions and succeeding.

Jon Lester has the talent to cut through the Kansas City lineup as efficiently as one of Snake Eyes' trademark ninjato. With the Red Sox reeling in their past few games, they will need their new young ace-in-training to come through with a strong performance.



I said get a mask, Jon. That's a glove. You have a lot to learn about being a ninja.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

*MOJO* - BOS vs TB - Air Force Day 2



The Marine Harrier is one of the more versatile fighter jets in the US military. Capable of being deployed quickly and effectively nearly anywhere in the world, the Harrier is one of the few planes to utilize VTOL (Vertical Take Off and Landing), allowing it to perform with a minimal amount of runway. In fact, you may never know where one might turn up.



David Wells will need his curveball to drop out of site, just as the offense launches pitches in to orbit. Casey Fossum will never know what hit him.

Friday, August 04, 2006

*MOJO* - BOS @ TB - Air Force Day 1



The AC-130 Spectre is an airborne weapons platform. Loaded to the hilt with an arsenal of weapons, the AC-130 is capable of devastating any target unlucky enough to be beneath it. How many planes can boast a Howitzer cannon within it's cargo bay?



Firepower is something the Sox have, and firepower is just what they need to employ. With the pitchers struggling, the hitters will have to unload with both barrels. Unfortunately for James Shields and Tampa Bay, they have the lineup to do it.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

*MOJO* - BOS vs CLE - Ice Cream Truck Day 2



The Ice Cream Truck is once again making it's rounds, and today it brings the delicious Orange Creme bar.



Orange Creme often goes over looked in the chocolate and berry dominated ice cream bar market, but it is one of the sweetest options coming from the side of everyone's favorite dessert delivery truck. (Well, maybe second, after the pudding van with mounted whipped cream cannon.)

Orange Creme may never get the press of Fudgicles or Berry Blast Bars, but that makes them no less delicious. And sometimes, it is the unsung ice cream novelties that pick you up and cool you off when you need them most. Hood may never pay to put a giant Orange Creme bar up in right field, but that doesn't mean Orange Creme won't be there for you.



Here's to you, Orange Creme, the most underappreciated of the ice cream bars.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

*MOJO* - BOS vs CLE - Ice Cream Truck Day 1



There is no happier sound than "the Entertainer" chiming in the distance as an Ice Cream Truck approaches. And with Doug Mirabelli filling in for the injured Jason Varitek, it is only fitting that the first order off the truck is for him. After all, Doug is a stud who likes to eat bombs.



Let's see Dougie and the rest of the Sox go deep and get back to their winning ways. No stopping until we regain first place... unless an Ice Cream Truck rolls through. Then you can call "game off" for a bit. It is far too hot to ignore tasty frozen treats.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

*MOJO* - BOS vs CLE - Miracles Day 2

Today's Mojo is a little fan-boyish, but too bad. I think we've reached the point where everyone is starting to realize what a special time to be a Red Sox fan it is, and it's all thanks to this:




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Red Sox fans are not only no longer dreading the inevitable collapse, they are now eaglerly anticipating the dramatic come from behind win. Now THAT is a miracle.