In tonight's episode of "The Red Sox": the gang try and cheer up teammate Edgar Renteria with a blind date... with hilarious results.
(scene: the Red Sox clubhouse in Tampa Bay)
[The team exchanges high fives after a big win over the Devil Rays.]
Manny: Hey, David, your two Home Runs were awesome.
David: No, YOUR two home runs were awesome.
Trot: Yeah, well my 4 hits almost made it for a cycle. Lets see you guys hit a triple!
David: Hey, I've hit... (counts on fingers) nine! (canned laughter)
Varitek: Hey, are you guys talking about getting four hits! Do you have any idea how many phone numbers this gotten me? I got 50 today, and those are just the ones addressed to my ass. (canned laughter)
Trot: I got enough to use as a towel to clean off my hat... not that I would.
Manny: I asked to see David's pile once. It was like the ending to Miracle on 34th street. Bags and bags of phone numbers, all addressed to Big Papi. (canned laughter)
(All resume high fiving and man-hugging each other. Meanwhile, Edgar Renteria forlornly enters the locker room and mopes his way to his locker.)
Damon: Awww guys, take it easy. Edgar's upset because he didn't get a hit tonight and no one is passing him any numbers.
Renteria: Sometimes I feel like I'll never get a hit and I'll be the biggest loser on Earth!
Shoppach: Hey! (canned laughter)
Wakefield: Hey guys come here (they huddle away from Renteria) we should set Edgar up on a date tonight, you know, to boost his confidence.
Mirabelli: That's a great idea. There's a nice place to eat up the road from here. Serves great fried chicken. Some Hall of Famer used to go there all the time.
Wakefield: Does anyone know where we can get him a date.
Millar: Don't worry. I know me a guy.
Mueller: But how will we know if it goes well.
[circle wipe - scene: The lobby of a nice restaurant. The Red Sox are walking to the maitre d' dressed in suits, hats, trench coats and sunglasses.]
Varitek: Table for 39, please. (canned laughter)
(The meal is going nicely, and Edgar's 6' 3" date is laughing heartily at his jokes. So loudly you can see the laugh shake her Adam's Apple. In the background we see the members of the Red Sox all piled onto one side of the table peering over their menus, as they have been for the entire evening.)
Edgar: Will you excuse me for a moment. I have to use the little shortstop's room.
Date: (Husky voice) No problem, cutie. (Edgar walks over to the Red Sox table.)
Edgar: Hey guys, you can stop spying on me now. (The team acts in disbelief.)
Timlin: Wow, what a coincidence that we'd be eating at the same restaurant!
Edgar: Nice try, but I spotted you guys as soon as you came in.
Mueller: But how did you know it was us?
Edgar: Well, next time, maybe you, Trot, Graffy, and Tek shouldn't wear your suit pants tucked into pulled up red socks. It is kind of easy to spot. And who's idea was it to set me up with a guy? (Every one stares at Millar.)
Millar: Hey, I said "I knew me a guy!"
All: Millar! (Millar puts a lamp shade on his head and pulls out a bottle of Jack Daniels)
Millar: Well, let's party! (Freeze frame on everyone laughing as "Louie, Louie" begins to play.)
And as we come to the conclusion of another thrilling episode of "The Red Sox", the team learns a valuable lesson: all slumps come to an end, sometimes in ways you might not expect. Lets have everyone contribute today as they did working as a team to cheer up Renteria today to help Wakefield get the win, and let's especially see Renteria return the favor by having a big night tonight.